Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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