Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
how drunk are you?
Several
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
