cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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