woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
