I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
