I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
