NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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