there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
