Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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