worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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