you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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