you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
