She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize