dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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