He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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