Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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