He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
