Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize