Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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