I wish my penis had an off switch
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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