My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
