you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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