I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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