I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
