Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
