so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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