a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
