chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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