i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize