just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
