I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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