She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
