i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
