What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
