So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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