I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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