So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
