Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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