I accidentally had phone sex last night
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
