this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
