She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
