there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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