I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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