is your mom at the bar?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
