i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
