i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
