Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
this hospital has no fireball
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize