So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
