I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
