I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
