Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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