if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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