does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
