I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
