Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
