I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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