you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize