He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
