If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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