i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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