I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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