Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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