How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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