did you get engaged???
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
