why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
