Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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