Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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