Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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