Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
