some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
