And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
