In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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