Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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