Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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