Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
