dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
