I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
