let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
