just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
