There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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