I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
