Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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