You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My life is pants optional.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
