Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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