I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
