what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
