so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
