to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you win again, gameday.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
