Jerry, you need to find god
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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