I swear she didn't look like that last week.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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