that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
