you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
