This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Pooping to opera.
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