im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
