The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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