Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
