yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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